Anxiety High

Hello folks! It’s been a long time. My anxiety level has been through the roof. I couldn’t breathe recently, and I was trying to decide whether to attribute it to allergies or anxiety. My kiddo was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (in addition to the ADHD) in mid-December. More on that here. It looks like rapid cycling bipolar and may, in fact, be rapid cycling bipolar, despite the med manager’s assertion that such a thing is rare. But even on medication, my son has extreme highs and lows throughout the day. And we’ve suddenly stopped one medication and added one more, then added an old one to the mix.

As a result, my kiddo has been sleeping since 8:30 last night. Good thing we didn’t give him the sleeping pill on top of the other because who knows what would have happened then. He can’t seem to wake up fully enough to give me a full response as to how he’s doing. Which is not a good sign. We are going into urgent care just to check on his vitals and get a note for missing the last five days of work/school. I may lose my job, and am fully prepared to do so. Well, not fully prepared. But as prepared as anyone can be. It’s going to be stressful until I find something new if they don’t want me back.

So. Four trips to the ER/psychiatric hospital since December, four safety plans, one lockbox for pills, and a partridge in a pear tree. Endless med changes. Just trying to keep kiddo stable has been challenging. He is alright for a few hours but will get manic, and then around the time the sun shifts, his mood also shifts. The werewolf that is depression comes out at night, ready to feed. In addition, he has not been physically well, as the medications affect his stomach. I was told to decrease the dose of the one but add the other, and now we have a very knocked out child.

So. Urgent care and perhaps Health and Welfare to see if any special types of Medicaid apply in this situation. I wish they would get back to me on my job status as I need to apply for programs based on their decision.

And the people at work like to talk. I know they do. And if I come back, they will be talking about me. And it bothers me, but in light of all these other stressors, I’m going to have to let it slide off my back.

When my ex came to stay with us in December (trust me, folks, it was as fun as it sounds), he was very concerned about our kid going to college. Right now, we are focusing on just getting this poor kid through junior high. He’s had so many absences and is so very far behind. But we will start working on homework today as soon as he wakes up. We’ve had a lot of fish to fry lately, and frankly, it stinks. But I love my kid and wouldn’t have him any other way. Thanks for reading.

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